Are You Giving Yourself a Good Life?

Can I ask you a question?

Are you giving yourself a good life?

Not, Do you have a good life? Not, Are you grateful? Not, Do other people think your life looks good?

But are you giving yourself a good life?

It's a question I've been sitting with lately, both for myself and for the women I work with in therapy. The more I think about it, the more I realize it's a question we don’t ask ourselves enough.

Because if we start from the belief that we're responsible for creating our lives, then it's worth asking ourselves if we're actually creating one that feels satisfying, intentional, and chosen.

Is your life yours?

Are you cultivating a life that feels aligned with who you are or one that was built around everyone else's expectations?

Maybe what's getting in the way is fear:

Fear of what people will think.

Fear of disappointing someone.

Fear of being seen.

Fear of taking up space.

Fear of receiving instead of always giving.

Or maybe you've spent so much of your life taking care of everyone else that you've lost touch with what actually lights you up. You aren't even sure what you want anymore because you've become so practiced at focusing on what everyone else needs first.

I see this all the time working with women.

From the time we're little, we're often praised for being easy, thoughtful, accommodating, and selfless. We become experts at making everyone else's lives run more smoothly, often without ever stopping to ask ourselves whether we're creating a life that feels deeply satisfying for us.

And somewhere along the way, many women start believing that wanting more, wanting different, or simply wanting something for themselves is selfish. That choosing different or changing their minds is reckless or irresponsible.

I don't buy that.

I wholeheartedly believe that what's in the highest good of one person is often in the highest good of everyone around them.

Imagine a woman who feels connected to herself and lives a life connected to her values.

She knows what lights her up.

She trusts herself.

She allows herself joy without guilt.

She isn't constantly abandoning herself to keep the peace.

That woman doesn't just benefit herself. She changes the energy of every room she walks into. Her children see a woman multifaceted living a life not fully centered on family but balanced in enjoying motherhood and an interesting life outside of that. Her partner experiences a more authentic relationship. Her friendships deepen. Even strangers feel the ripple effect of a woman who is fully alive.

There is something incredibly powerful about a woman who embodies who she is instead of pushing it down and neglecting the sacred parts of herself.

That doesn't mean life is perfect.

It doesn't mean every day is easy.

It means you're no longer living on autopilot or building a life around who you think you're supposed to be or what is palatable to others.

You're building one around who you actually are.

As a therapist, this is the work I love most. Helping women reconnect with themselves. Helping them get clear on what they want. Helping them stop asking for permission to pursue what they want and embody their true selves.

Because at the end of the day, the goal isn’t simply to survive your life. I think the goal is to create one that feels like home. We do this one and only life once. This is not a dress rehearsal!

So I'll leave you with the questions I find myself sitting on and asking the women I work with:

Are you giving yourself a good life?

Because at the end of the day, no one else can create your life for you. The question is... are you intentionally giving yourself one that feels good to live?

A few questions to sit with…

• If no one else's opinion mattered, what would your life look like?

• Where are you making yourself smaller to keep someone else comfortable?

• What parts of yourself have you been neglecting?

• What genuinely lights you up?

• What have you been telling yourself is "too much" to want?

• Where are you waiting for permission instead of giving it to yourself?

• What would your happiest, most fulfilled self be doing more of?

• If your life felt deeply like yours one year from now, what would be different?

• What's one small decision you could make this week that would move you closer to that life?

• If you believed your happiness mattered just as much as everyone else's, what would you do next?

So here's my hope for you.

I hope you stop waiting for permission.

I hope you get curious about what you really want.

I hope you remember that your happiness isn't something you earn after everyone else's needs are met.

And most of all, I hope you start asking yourself this one simple question a little more often:

Am I giving myself a good life?

If you're ready to explore that question together, I'd love to help.